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Bet you can’t guess the title of the Guardians Of The Galaxy porn parody

The inevitable Guardians Of The Galaxy porn parody has arrived, in what we hope is simply Phase One of a shared universe that will include Iron Dong, XXX-Men, and Invaders: Swallowfire.

Produced by porn-parody veteran WoodRocket, Gnardians Of The Galaxy is an oddly reverential parody of Marvel’s 2014 summer blockbuster. It also continues the longstanding pornographic tradition of coming up with not-quite-clever parody titles designed to make 13-year-olds and 13-year-olds at heart laugh. (Edward Penishands, anyone?) It’s dumb, yes, but a step above the strategy put forth by Axel Braun’s adult cinema production company, which simply adds “XXX: A Porn Parody” to an existing title (Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody, Batman XXX: A Porn Parody, etc.).

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The reason Gnardians is coming out so late in the game, apparently, is that the filmmakers actually took some time to craft a decent-by-porn-standards script; it’s no Caligula, but the production value is arguably superior to Albert Pyun’s Captain America. The cast includes Aaron Wilcoxx as Pecker Quill, a.k.a. Star Load, Daisy Ducati as Gamwhora, April O’Neil as Rocket Rachooch, Shane Diesel as Crax and AJ as Groin, an anthropomorphic penis that says—much as one might expect—“I am Groin.” There’s even a clever-enough parody of Blue Swede’s version of Hooked On A Feeling for the ’70s a.m. pop fetishists out there.

WoodRocket will presumably announce Phase Two of its campaign, including the Pornisher, Deadpole, and the sure-to-be-controversial Howard The Fuck, at this year’s ComicCon. After that, it’s only a matter of time before dancing Groin vibrators will be available for purchase at your local Lover’s Lane.

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The special extended edition of Gnardians Of The Galaxy will be available at the end of April and distributed on DVD by Digital Sin. The first part of the movie is currently streaming on the WoodRocket website, which you can Google yourself, thanks.

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