Two movies, quite unlike in dignity,
In fair box office grosses, where we lay our scene,
From ancient Judge Dredd, which bombed two years past ’93,
To Alex Garland’s ass-kicking version, which made no money.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A group of star-cross’d movie fans stake their sequel-clamoring hope;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their efforts bury their dream—in a word, nope.
The fearful passage of their death-mark’d campaign,
And the obvious evidence of their movies’ lack of profit,
Which, but for more people giving a shit, nought could remove,
Is now the six minutes’ traffic of this video by YouTuber Rossatron, as he saw fit;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, his toil shall strive to mend.
For never was a story of more woe
than this of Karl Urban and his Dredd sequel, yo.
[Full disclosure: The author of this adapted Shakespearean verse has been a member of the Bring Back Dredd Facebook group since 2013.]