Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Barack Obama bypasses Congress to decree Boyhood favorite movie of the year

Illustration for article titled Barack Obama bypasses Congress to decree iBoyhood/i favorite movie of the year

Ruthlessly imposing his will on the People magazine, President Barack Obama has refused to wait for Congress to put it to vote and unilaterally declared Boyhood his favorite movie of 2014. In his statement, Obama offered praise for Richard Linklater’s portrait of the son of two divorced, godless liberals, his coming of age that does not involve conscription into church or military service, and the unsupervised experimentation with drugs, general idleness, and lack of a strong male role model that inevitably leads to his enrolling in a liberal arts college, all on his way to becoming another member of the creative class that puts an unbearable drag on the economy.


Boyhood was a great movie,” Obama said.

Boyhood, which was allowed 12 years to accomplish the few goals it set out for itself, obviously spoke to Obama. Sometimes this was obliquely, as in a scene where the teenage boy played by Ellar Coltrane utterly rejects a copy of the Good Book and a gun handed to him by considerate, conservative grandparents, setting him on a path to ruin and voting Democrat. Sometimes this is directly, as in a scene where Ethan Hawke indoctrinates his kids into liberalism by taking them on a door-to-door campaign for Obama in 2008, then vandalizes a McCain/Palin sign. “Hmm, something about this movie really appeals to me,” Obama no doubt said to himself frequently during the movie’s nearly three-hour runtime, which was three hours Obama was obviously not even thinking about Benghazi.


Due to Emperor Obama’s decree, all the year’s other movies that are not Boyhood will be burned.

Among them will be David Fincher’s Gone Girl, which Michelle Obama singled out in the same interview as not meeting the approval of her not-even-elected authority. “The book is much better than the movie,” the so-called First Lady said, once again forcing nanny-state values like reading on the nation. She went on to call the novel—about a couple who lies to everyone—as “one of my favorites.”

The Obamas’ choices for their favorite movie and book only confirm their war on real Americans, who know that the correct answers are The Bible and The Bible.

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