Some nice vegan food, presumably sans baby butthole. Credit: Alex Wong / Staff / Getty

It all began with a butthole.

A woman named Chelsea Bartley left a two-star Google review of Memphis’ Imagine Vegan Cafe, during which she said she enjoys the restaurant and will probably return but that, during this particular visit, a “bare butt naked baby” showed her “it’s butthole” [sic]. She also had an issue with the child’s dirty feet padding across tabletops and an “older kid” “yodeling and staring at me during my meal.” All in all, it’s more of a funny review than a scathing one.

Had it all stayed here, people would’ve had their fun and everyone would’ve moved on by now. Unfortunately, Imagine Cafe’s owner indulged their inner Trump by promising to “start calling out the names and pictures of people who leave us bad reviews.” But then more comments started pouring in, one of which states that the same child shat on the floor during one couple’s meal.

See it all below:

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The owner’s comments were similarly vitriolic, essentially saying that those who wouldn’t tolerate glimpses at a child’s butthole in an eating establishment are “about themselves.” On its website, Imagine Cafe does emphasize that “[s]ometimes there may be children running around your table, singing very loudly.”

Finally, Imagine Cafe offered up its own interpretation of the situation, which offers a reasonable explanation (the baby learned how to undo her diaper) without providing assurance that such a thing will never happen again (really all anyone wants from an establishment in which they hope to dine).

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Of course, the owner’s vitriol mobilized the web’s unsullied, who took it upon themselves to try and destroy a business that responded poorly after finding themselves in a gross, but ultimately funny, situation. The attacks on their social media accounts were so unrelenting that Imagine Cafe deleted them all. And their Yelp page is now filled with one-star reviews filled with elaborate jokes about buttholes from people who’ve never even been to the restaurant.

Pretty much everyone is handling themselves poorly here, except, maybe, for the kid, who was just acting like a little kid in the first place.

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