Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Having found in each other the love, trust, and mutual total lack of respect that is the basis for any relationship, Avril Lavigne and Nickelback's Chad Kroeger are engaged to be married, spending the rest of their lives making beautiful, mediocre music together. The 27-year-old Lavigne and the 37-year-old Kroeger met while collaborating on a song for Lavigne's upcoming record and—each recognizing that they had located their opposite-of-soul-mate, and had finally discovered someone who would admit to loving Avril Lavigne and the guy from Nickelback—decided to wed after six months of knowing each other, putting approximately the same effort into courtship as they do composition.

Their fairy-tale union was sparked by the ineffable magic of Canada, the strange voodoo of their CDs rubbing together in someone's terrible collection, and a shared interest in sucking Chad Kroeger's dick. Also: "He makes me laugh every day," Lavigne tells Hello Canada about Kroeger, echoing the sentiments of a world that didn't realize this meant they were supposed to marry him. Though a date has yet to be set, the bride and groom are no doubt already looking forward to taking a honeymoon from doing awful work and relaxing by looking over the photos from their wedding album, which is expected to be the first album by either of them to not be mercilessly drubbed by critics. In lieu of gifts, the couple asks that fans find articles like this one and post shaming comments.


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