While the inclusion of a three-breasted prostitute is one of the only real links between Len Wiseman's Total Recall remake and the 1990 original, that is the only genuine, tangible thing about it—a fact that demands to be made clear, judging from a recent flurry of articles. To repeat, louder for those in the back of the Internet: Kaitlyn Leeb, the woman who plays the three-breasted prostitute in the new Total Recall, does not actually have three breasts. They are what pioneering film illusionists such as Georges Méliès have long referred to as "fake boobs," despite a very convincing Comic-Con appearance that, according to Leeb, had "a bunch of people at Comic-Con asking if I had surgery for the third one"—which seems like both an impressive commitment to a split-second cameo, and a very forward question for a Comic-Con crowd. Some slightly more pragmatic others, Leeb continues, believed she walked the convention floor sporting a single boob prosthesis nestled among her real ones, lamenting, "I guess that’s the one thing that bothers me the most is that they think I’m out there prancing around Comic-Con with my breasts out." (As though anyone would stoop to such displays at Comic-Con.)

But indeed "they" did think that, and "they" are still unlikely to be dissuaded from thinking that even now, given that Yahoo has reported a huge surge in people searching for Leeb's name, redundantly adding that it's noted "77 percent of the interest coming from men," many of them from boys under 13. Still, Leeb says she's excited about what all the attention could do for her career—attention that will surely continue now that it's clear she's just an actress with fake breasts—but worries about being "typecast." Terrence Malick's next film will simply have to find someone else.


In related news, Len Wiseman isn't actually a substitute for Paul Verhoeven. This, too, is just an illusion.