“I’m pretty but tough, like a diamond, or beef jerky in a ball gown,” goes one of the top 10 lines from Netflix’s Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, spoken by the city-hardened Titus Andromedon (Tituss Burgess). Either there’s more in common between Burgess and the character he plays than just a first name, or he’s going Method as hell, because after being allegedly stiffed by an unscrupulous moving company, Burgess went full-jerky on that ass.
According to his furious missive on Yelp—Burgess’ first foray into social media-based consumer rebukes—he hired a company called Frank’s Express to move a couch for him, only for the proprietor to call him and said no upholstery would be schlepped anywhere until he posted a positive review on Yelp. That sounds pretty shady, seeing as how there’s no way to know a mover did a good job until after they’ve completed said job, so Burgess refused to write the review in advance. Unlike the company, which he says never showed up, Burgess keeps his promises. He did end up writing that Yelp review, but it’s not quite what Frank’s Express had in mind, and it’s legitimately amazing.
People post nonsense on social media all the time, so how was anyone to know this was the real Burgess rather than some teenage Yelp anarchist home for summer break? Well thankfully, Burgess followed up with an Instagram video recounting his decidedly not express experience with Frank’s. Pajiba has a more in-depth rundown of the ugly transaction, including the part where the owner dropped the “F-word” on him in a phone call. If the whole thing went down the way Burgess said it did, he’s not the only one totally playing himself.