Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Attention, aspiring supervillains: You can just buy a million-watt laser on eBay now

Illustration for article titled Attention, aspiring supervillains: You can just buy a million-watt laser on eBay now
Screenshot: styropyro (YouTube)

With a new James Bond movie finally coming out next year, plenty of maniacal supervillains across the world are likely remembering it’s time to get off their asses, stop procrastinating, and really put their plans to take over the world into action. While hollowing out the inside of a volcano to build a secret lab and recruiting an army of deadly supersoldiers is simple enough, navigating the international black market to find the right laser weapon has traditionally been a much more difficult task.

Advertisement

A video from YouTuber Styropyro shows that this is no longer the case. In it, we see that million-watt lasers are now available, shipped to the door of your lair, from goddamned eBay. Watch on to see just how terrifying easy it now is to buy the sort of technology necessary to bisect Sean Connery’s junk or accidentally blind yourself when trying to lighten your eyebrows.

Styropyro, who self-describes as a “professional mad scientist” who “[likes] building crazy lasers and high voltage contraptions out of scrap parts and military surplus equipment,” bought a “Chinese-made laser tattoo removal device” whose technical specs promise “a scary pulse laser system inside.”

Advertisement

He’s skeptical, considering the price, but runs the thing through some tests that reveal it’s “definitely [not] a toy.” Styropyro, from the jump, explains that “dangerous is an understatement for this laser and if you don’t have some high-end laser goggles, you’ll go blind using this thing.” Over the next 20 or so minutes, he gets into the science of a powerful device that “a 10 year-old could assemble,” which is advertised as a solution for tattoo, freckle, and birthmark removal. He shows it blowing pockmarks in metal (including a chunk of Tungsten) and removing a marker-made tattoo that leaves a bunch of red lines behind, but doesn’t, thankfully, set his entire arm on fire.

As Styropyro makes clear, the laser isn’t really a safe option for anyone hoping to give themselves a quick makeover. He estimates “a peak output power of about 30 million watts” and notes that “it can light the air on fire” as well as ruin one of the camera he used to film the video.

Advertisement

God help us all if the French hoverboard supervillain hears that he can just order one of these things online.

[via Boing Boing]

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Advertisement

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter