Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

At last, there’s a credit card for terrible, ironic purchases

The New Credit Card For Buying Ironic Junk (Screenshot: YouTube)

From bikini tops designed to look like twin pots of gold to DVDs of made-for-TV movies with titles like One River, Two Butts, there are many worthless items crying out to be purchased. No one really needs or even genuinely wants this stuff, but leaving these tchotchkes on store shelves is not an option. In the past, however, there was no easy way for consumers to let cashiers know that their purchases are meant to be ironic. A cashier or bartender might get the wrong idea. That would be a disaster for image-conscious consumers who deeply care what strangers think of them. Above Average fixes all that with a mock advertisement for a new, specialized credit card called the Irony Card. It’s the only card with a self-aware smirk built right in. Why hasn’t this become a reality yet?

Written by UCB teacher Jackie Jennings and starring another UCB-er, Molly Thomas, as the fiscally irresponsible spokeswoman, the Irony Card spot will appeal to anyone who can’t resist a round of frolf or an order of particularly disgusting-looking pizza at a chain restaurant. And when buying Epcot’s version of sushi, only the Irony Card will do. “The Irony Card lets the world know I’m buying this garbage with real money,” Thomas explains, “but also, in a way, I’m not?” Consumers should be aware, however, that all this irony comes at a steep price. The APR is “crazy high,” and the interest rate is a staggering 45 percent. But these are small details when one considers the amenities offered by this card. Not only can a user’s balance be checked “from any flip phone,” but there’s also a feature that blocks purchases that are determined to be sincere. For Thomas, that means a box of penis-shaped pasta will have to be paid for in cash.

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