Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

ASMR and fake metal prop construction videos have, at long last, been combined

Screenshot: TheCrafsMan SteadyCraftin (YouTube)

Before the internet, unfortunate craftspeople had to learn the ins and outs of their trade without any reprieve from the stress that comes with hard, delicate work. Now, in a world where seemingly anything is possible, a YouTube video from the excellently named TheCrafsMan SteadyCraftin DIY tutorial channel, is here to teach you how to make fake metal movie props out of rubber, all while soothing your mind with hushed, step-by-step instructions.

TheCrafsMan is a gentle soul, introducing his tutorial with a hand puppet that promises to teach viewers how to “make something that looks like metal and that you can use in your independent film productions” to, say, “hit someone upside the head with it and it won’t even hurt ‘em.”

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“But don’t do anything without somebody’s permission,” he adds, softly and helpfully.

Speaking close to the microphone, TheCrafsMan audibly melts away the day’s stresses as he moves through the process, answering a fan email requesting tips for creating fake metal by showing everything you need to make an imitation bolt. By learning the steps for this one item, he says, you can make “your lead pipe, your axe,” and any other kind of prop you might require to (consensually) smack someone in the head without them having to “get stitches.”

It would be a disservice to the video (and you) to repeat all the steps here, but do know that, before your work is done, little dolls are brought out to say “hello” to the viewer, a fictional argument between a film director and TheCrafsMan about the fine details of his prop bolt is carried out, and the whole thing is signed off by the hand puppet telling viewers that he loves them and to consider complementing people in their lives with stuff like “I like your pants” or “Your eyes look real neat, [they] remind me of outer space.”

In the crowded ASMR marketplace—which is filled with everything from Jeff Goldblum purring like a cat to Aubrey Plaza whispering about hating Parks And Recreation’s Jerry and very quiet reality TV fights—TheCrafsMan still manages to stand out for the good vibrations and practical knowledge he has to share. Nowhere else can you learn how to make realistic metal movie props at home while getting your brain massaged at the same time.

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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.