Angela Lansbury has been a grande dame of both small and silver screen for eons now, so as a reward for her eternal grace and lasting contributions to media she will get to play Katherine Heigl’s daughter in the high-concept comedy Adaline. Yes, daughter: Heigl plays the title character, who was killed in a car accident until a lightning strike both resuscitated her and “physiologically locked” her in her late 20s, cursing her to roam the earth, immortally trapped inside Katherine Heigl, her chances to one day not be Katherine Heigl forever forsaken. Naturally, she lives in total seclusion, until one day she “meets a man worth losing her immortality to grow old with,” and is thus forced to return to the world, where she encounters her now-elderly daughter (Lansbury) who “needs her mother's care as her health declines.” Hey Angela Lansbury, are you sure you wouldn’t rather preserve your dignity and produce a big-screen remake of “Angela Lansbury Masturbates In A Tub” instead?

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