Uwe Boll, the creative visionary behind such classics of cinema as Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance, Blubberella, and In The Name Of The King 3: The Last Mission may have retired from filmmaking, but he hasn’t left behind the other great passion of his career: challenging people to public fistfights.
While nothing is likely to top the 2006 Raging Boll event in which Boll graciously invited critics of his oeuvre to defend their opinions through the time-tested academic tradition of a boxing tournament sponsored by an online casino, his latest attempt to assert dominance over a world fast forgetting his name has a truly worthwhile target—the one opponent who’s guaranteed to make the director of this scene look downright heroic in comparison. Yeah, Boll wants to beat the shit out of Alex Jones.
Fed up with Jones, the vaguely human-shaped hotdog whose contributions to the public good include hawking useless supplements to paranoid rubes and trying to convince the public that school shooting massacres are actually staged, Boll took to Twitter to issue a challenge with the same carefully considered, beautifully written prose that’s made his screenplays required reading for film majors across the world.
Accompanied by a very good video where Boll, wearing a House of Pain hoodie, rips on Jones’ hateful conspiracy mongering for a bit over six goddamn minutes, the tweets chronicle the urge of one man who, despite hosting a Twitter avatar featuring his face with a hastily photoshopped blunt hanging from the lips, is no longer interested in peaceful solutions. Come for the director of Rampage: President Down taunting Jones with The Room-esque chicken noises; stay for him referring to the Infowars star as a “Baby Ruuth lookin mothafucka [sic].”
While Jones has remained quiet for now, there is still hope for this final confrontation between two remarkable strains of totally secure masculinity. Jones has similarly challenged “anti-human scum” Alec Baldwin to a bare-knuckle boxing match and, more recently, The Young Turks’ “little demonic toad” Cenk Uygur to a go in the ring. All we can do now is hope that these two pillars of modern society are finally allowed the audience they so rightly deserve: a crowd of howling Las Vegas drunks frothing for beefy loudmouth blood.
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