Andy Garcia has been cast in a live-action film adaptation of the Max Steel action-figure line and animated series, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Garcia had the temerity to be cast as scientist Dr. Miles Edwards in the film despite the fact that his role has not been the subject of dubiously sourced rumors, wild speculation, preemptive rage, or impassioned arguments that had to be split across two posts because of word count limitations in message board software.

Stewart Hendler will direct Max Steel, and Hendler will face no particular pressure to uphold/restore/advance/upend the legacy of past Max Steel fictions. The news had no perceptible effect on loading times at the official Max Steel website, which bizarrely featured not one carefully selected black-and-white candid cast photo intended to foster simultaneous excitement and nostalgia. To recap, a person was cast in a motion picture, a motion picture that audiences will watch someday, and when they watch the motion picture, they may think, “This person is a person named Andy Garcia.” The real disgrace is that things like this happen all the time.