Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Thwarted in its effort to attract Lance Armstrong and Lindsay Lohan, Dancing With The Stars has moved on to other famous people whose images it can rehabilitate by transforming them into compliant puppets, jerking about for our amusement. As such, it’s recruited a guy whose normal displays of wiggling body parts could use the stabilizing force of professional choreography: Andy Dick. As confirmed by the official lineup, comedian will be handed a willing partner to grope as part of a sixteenth season that will also see contestants who are not Andy Dick and therefore who cares, likely tapering off long after Dick’s inevitable early ouster to be a boring showdown between a ringer athlete and some hungry soap star—say, Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman and General Hospital’s Ingo Rademacher. But for a very short meantime, there will exist the possibility of Andy Dick doing or saying something inappropriate to fellow contestants D.L. Hughley, Dorothy Hamill, Wynonna Judd, or Kelli Pickler, and therefore the producers know they’ve done their job for another season.

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