Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

And that now makes two massive wildfires caused by gender reveal parties

Illustration for article titled And that now makes itwo /imassive wildfires caused by gender reveal parties
Photo: South Sky Photography, Elizabeth Barnes (Getty Images)

For years, we’ve been part of the growing online chorus screaming into the void for people to stop hosting gender reveal parties. It’s antiquated, it’s self-centering, and it’s never, ever as creative as the soon-to-be parents think it is. So, as much as we love (and we really do love) when a harebrained, elaborate gender reveal goes awry, we aren’t the biggest fans of reveals that wreak havoc on an already fragile ecosystem while also killing, maiming, and/or otherwise injuring innocent, unsuspecting bystanders.

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One would think a single instance of “razing 47,000 acres of Arizona grasslands” might be enough for expecting couples to learn not to mix flammables, parched landscapes, and binary cisgender conformities, but this is the year 2020 we’re talking about. No one learns anything, and we all just keep suffering in the meantime.

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On Sunday, it was reported that a gender reveal party is responsible for the El Dorado Fire, which, as of this morning, has spread across more than 10,000 acres of Southern California. This is depressing enough on its own, but writer Josh Billinson encapsulated our collective despair with one simple question: “How has this happened twice?”

But we all know the answer to that question: Because God has abandoned us, and we have no one but ourselves to blame. And look, you know it’s bad when the damn “inventor” of the gender reveal party publicly regrets creating this monster.

Send Great Job, Internet reveals to gji@theonion.com

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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