For those of you who thought the potato salad Kickstarter was too meaningful or mature, there’s now a crowd-funding project devoted to “the World’s Biggest Dick Drawing,” by someone who, for the sake of argument, we’ll refer to as an artist. Said artist, Alex Wong, would like to invite you to spend real, actual money that could be used to buy food or medicine to add length to his proposed massive crudely-drawn cartoon penis.
Wong’s stated funding model is simple: For every dollar donated, he’ll add an inch of length to his forthcoming masterpiece. That means he’ll need roughly $360 to overtake the Cerne Abbas Giant, a 180-foot long chalk drawing of a man with an erect penis that’s been visible on a hillside in Dorset, England, since at least the 17th Century, and $720 to bypass the 60-foot penis painted in 2008 by teenager Rory McInnes on the roof of his parents’ mansion. So at least Wong is operating in a storied artistic tradition.
There is, of course, a video pitch, where Wong shows off his complete lack of artistic ability (although there is a certain Cubist appeal to his “dagger-headed” penis with “symmetrical pubes”) while expounding at length on the pleasures of drawing dicks in a voice that sounds kind of like Walter White, Jr. The video is not safe for work. The preview right under this sentence probably isn’t, either, but you knew what you were getting into when you clicked an article about drawing dicks.
As with all Kickstarter projects, there’s a section where the creator must list the possible risks and difficulties of the project. We’ll leave you with Wong’s own words, which are as true now as they were a few days ago, when the yep-still-calling-him-an-artist first wrote them, in-between obsessively scrawling more phalli on random pieces of paper.
Maybe the dick drawing will be too small and won’t be crowned the “World’s Biggest Dick Drawing” but that won’t stop me.
Maybe nobody will pledge to get balls, a head, pubes or veins added to the dick drawing and it’ll end up looking deformed. Who cares! All dick drawings are different.
There are many risks and challenges when it comes to pioneering something fresh in a tried and true art form, but there’s always room to grow in the genre of dick drawing.
As of this writing, the project stands firm at 18 inches, which is well-above average, and size doesn’t matter anyway, and it was cold.