Twas the long, dark night before the 2020 Election when Alton Brown shared a series of tweets that will only make sense to everyone feeling absolutely unhinged at this particularly horrible moment in time. In a world beset by a pandemic that increasingly few people seem to give a shit about, a presidential election that could determine whether or not we still live in anything resembling a democracy come Friday, and—lest we forget—Murder Hornets, it’s easy to feel a little cuckoo-bananas. You are not alone. We’re all feeling kooky as fuck. Even our beloved food friend Alton Brown is popping off, and while these tweets may seem on their surface to be nary more than the ramblings of a culinary madman, I assure you dear reader that they are the most sane and relatable words I have read in this year of Hell:
Alton Brown is a real man of the people. Far more productive and coherent than a Kanye West rant, and every bit as delightfully deranged yet highly relatable as the night Susan Orlean got tanked, these tweets are sacred text:
If we all buy Fritos and cat food and run 23 Slim Jims through a juicer (would a food processor suffice?), will it break the 2020 curse???