Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Alligators celebrate the beginning of spring by banging their way across Florida

A happy alligator contemplates reptile spring break.
A happy alligator contemplates reptile spring break.
Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

Last month brought us news of Brood X, a huge swarm of cicadas that’s been waiting 17 years for this spring to arrive so it can emerge from the ground and have extremely loud sex all over the Eastern seaboard. Now, we’ve been warned of another species that’s about to start engaging in the natural world’s equivalent of having sex with the door open while a roommate’s at home: the horned-up alligators of Florida.

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The Guardian explains that Floridians, already having dealt with the human spring break, are now being asked to brace for the arrival of oversexed, wild, and crazy party gators across the state. With the beginning of the region’s rainy season next month and an accompanying increase in temperature, the alligators are beginning to get “more energetic and travel further in search of food and mates.” Their mating season occurs during May and June. And, given that “about 1.3 million” of the reptiles live throughout the state, Florida’s fish and wildlife conservation commission has reminded residents that their presence can lead to “more frequent alligator-human interactions, and a greater potential for conflict,” especially in waterfront areas.

The Guardian runs down a few recent examples of gators being found hanging out in urban areas during the start of mating season—including incidents where they were discovered under cars or in people’s back yards. But, the real highlight is a video filmed by a man in Bradenton named Gordon Silver. In Silver’s amateur reptile porn, two gators are seen growling like dinosaurs, biting the hell out of one another, then flopping into the water for what we imagine is some tastefully obscured lovemaking. “Didn’t have to leave my back yard to capture these 2 gators tossing each other around at the beginning of the 2021 mating season,” Silver writes in the video’s description.

Even though alligator sex looks mildly terrifying, Florida authorities say that the threat of being hurt by the animals while they’re out cruising “remains relatively low. The officials explain that, “although alligators can be more aggressive during mating season and human encounters are more likely,” there isn’t a serious risk of injury or death if they’re left alone. We imagine the possibility of being attacked by them is lessened even further if, as is only polite, nearby humans play soothing slow jams for them as an inter-species aid in setting the appropriate mood.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.