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"All these hot, sexy women sure are funny," says Fox News

Much has been made about the so-called recent renaissance in female-driven comedy, where the mainstream is increasingly dominated by talented women making some of the smartest comedy around. But did you happen to notice that these women are also worth having sex with? Fox News picked up on the heretofore-unexplored connection between “Funny Bones And Banging Bodies” in an article that is actually called that, really, spinning a larger trend-piece about how today’s most popular comedic actresses are “both hilarious and hot” out of a simple promotional interview for a new VH1 chat show starring Carrie Keagan.

For her part, Keagan—who is pictured sprawled across a bed while (presumably) researching the day’s news topics, wearing a provocatively unbuttoned Oxford shirt and stilettos, and with an expression on her face that suggests the latest Ben Bernanke press conference is making her feel soooo dirty—plays up the empowerment angle of being marginalized as a sexy sexpot who needs the sex, saying she’s all too “happy to exploit” other people’s assumptions about hot ladies. “At the end of the day, funny is funny, and the antiquated boys’ club mentality is sooo last year’s Prada,” Keagan adds, her cutting “Prada” burn demonstrating the sort of funny that is funny to funny, sexy ladies. Like her!

The rise of the funny lady that you can actually stand to look at has produced a humorous harem that Fox News says also includes people like Mila Kunis, Anna Faris, and Olivia Munn, while very charitably also including “old-skool” ladies like Jennifer Aniston, Jane Krakowski, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus who have “transformed themselves in recent years from somewhat awkward to stylish sex symbols.” (Remember all those recent years when Jennifer Aniston was so embarrassingly awkward, and everyone tried to make her feel better about herself by copying her haircut, splashing her face across magazines, and then being Brad Pitt and marrying her? It worked!)

But unfortunately, it’s also meant that ladies whom we cannot imagine having sex with are no longer funny: “For women, frump isn’t funny any longer,” says “entertainment expert” Patrick Wanis, whose “expertise” has made him a popular “celebrity life coach” for people like Hulk Hogan and a familiar presence on Fox News reports such as “Top 10 Celebrity Meltdowns.” So he knows! Wanis continues, expertly, “The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant and successful.”

Sadly, that means the female comedians who are not particularly sexually aggressive—and also, totally coincidentally, are favorite targets of Fox News—are not funny and should feel bad: “Rosie O’Donnell and Janeane Garofalo will be relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley,” says Wanis, who is actually a doctor, and not just some asshole you’re currently overhearing in the dorm cafeteria. “Hollywood doesn’t want a woman that is not sexually enticing like Rosie; it wants the sexual alpha female,” he concludes. As further examples of this “alpha female” trend, Wanis cites “Snooki and all the [Real] Housewives,” who are all highly, highly respected and envied. And oh, so sexy. He does not, however, address anomalies such as Melissa McCarthy, who recently won an Emmy for being funny, despite the fact that her dress size clearly says she is not. Presumably this error will soon be corrected, with the award being distributed to a woman most men would enjoy picturing naked. Hey, this Carrie Keagan girl looks pretty funny!

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