A U.S. District Judge has sentenced Jonathan Schwatz, the former business manager who stole millions of dollars from Alanis Morissette and his other clients, to six years in prison today. The sentence came after Morissette testified at Schwatz’s hearing, presumably keeping one hand in her pocket, and the other on the Bible they used to swear her in.
The Jagged Little Pill singer asked the court to send a “clear message” to the managers of the world. (“Don’t fuck with Alanis Morissette,” we assume, although it might have been a wider point about not robbing your clients.) Schwatz’s attorney called for clemency, though, asking for a prison sentence of a year and a day, plus house arrest and community service, and claiming a gambling addiction led his client to his thefts. (The U.S. Attorney’s office went nasty on that point, denying the existence of Schwatz’s condition, and saying that, because he was “sophisticated and highly intelligent,” he could have stopped his alleged gambling whenever he wanted. Yeesh.)
In any case, the call for mercy fell, like rain on your wedding day, upon deaf ears, with the judge giving a sentence even longer than the one recommended by the prosecution. And so, Jonathan Schwatz will spend the next six years in prison for his crimes. We just thought that you oughta know.