Watch your back, Obama. Insisting that he's not joking, Screw magazine founder and prominent pornographer Al Goldstein announced his candidacy for president yesterday. Goldstein's platform is anti-war and pro-gay marriage, but he also promises to "remove the 'o' from country, provide daily government subsidized cunnilingus for women (and a damn good cigar for men), and try his famed tongue on Nancy's Pelosi."

As to who would be his running mate, Goldstein said, "I haven't been laid in over two years. I'd pay for it if I could afford it. Instead, I'm willing to trade sex for the vice presidency."

While it may sound like a good opportunity for Tom Vilsack to get back in the game, Goldstein's campaign website shortlists possible candidates as: Jenna Jameson, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, and fellow dirty old man Larry Flynt.