As if the moral quandaries presented by Tila Tequila’s savaging at the hands of the Juggalos weren’t icky enough, this weekend also saw the reprehensible victimization of former America’s Next Top Model winner and woman who married Peter Brady, Adrianne Curry—who attended Star Wars Celebration V only to find herself attacked by a “molesting pervert”—which Curry managed to somehow slowly turn into an ugly anti-immigration argument. Seriously, can’t we just have one black-and-white, good-versus-evil story before we call it a day?

Curry described the incident thusly on her Twitter feed: “the man was trying to attack me, over and over, and tried to shove his figers [sic] in my holes. the guy tried to come back for me at LEAST 30 times.” She responded by elbowing him in the face and spitting on him, after which “my friends cracked his head on the pavement more than 5 times,” with her assailant eventually landing in jail—and while she says that she won’t press charges, two other people injured in the attack will. Unfortunately for Curry, merely talking about the incident on Twitter led to several people calling her out for encouraging her would-be rapist’s attentions by dressing as "Slave Leia." Curry rightfully put them in their place for playing “blame the victim,” which is an accurate example of how you use that phrase.

And then, just as Curry’s story went from triumph over potential tragedy and misogyny, and clear moral victory was at hand, and everything was coming down on the side of enlightenment for once, Curry had to go and muddy up every bit of the goodwill being sent her way by grousing that her attacker was “NOT a con goer…it was some illegal immigrant wh [sic] spoke no english” and arguing that “he has no reason being here praying [sic] on americans,” and certainly not the right to invade the borders of her natural-born, USDA-approved “holes.” Damn it, Adrianne Curry, really? As though anyone reading this story harbored any sympathies for the drunk guy trying to finger-rape you until you mentioned that, gross, he isn’t even a citizen. If we find this story linked on Sarah Palin’s Facebook page we’re going to be pissed.

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