Newly reenergized by its recent injection of Justin Timberlake, spooky abandoned clubhouse MySpace has vowed to bounce back and overcome its loss to the far more powerful Facebook by taking on iTunes, which sounds about right. Speaking to Ad Age, the company’s enthusiastic, thoroughly optimistic new senior VP of global marketing, Al Dejewski, oddly compared MySpace’s “eight-year life cycle to that of a young male adult who found a way to express himself through music, but decided to bulk up on things like classified ads and horoscopes along the way,” as many young male adult musicians do. Rock ‘n’ roll, after all, is littered with guitar heroes who were once struggling, directionless adolescents mired in a morass of easy classified ads and rampant horoscope abuse, which only left them bloated and useless. Having thus already dug himself in, Dejewski continued his awkward metaphor by saying, “This young adult male needs to be put on a diet, we need to get it on P90X, clean its system and get back to its foundation. And we've found that foundation is music.”

As part of its cleansing, intensely aerobic restructuring, Dejewski says MySpace is working on bringing in “celebrities and major brands from the automotive, packaged-goods, and quick-service-restaurant categories” to help it sell music to kids—because if there’s one thing kids love, it’s celebrities, and if there are two things, it’s celebrities and packaged goods. With that and the quick-service restaurants that are the latest craze on his side, Dejewski is confident that all of this will make MySpace a serious competitor to services like Spotify and Vevo as well as iTunes, which, good luck with that.