Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Adidas unveils innovative new take on clown shoes

Pictured: A different type of super star shoes
Pictured: A different type of super star shoes
Photo: Alfredo Estrella (Getty Images)

Adidas makes a lot of really good shoes. It also makes some of the worst ones we’ve ever seen, like the skinned dachshund Star Wars collaboration from last fall. While we thought those hairy obscenities wouldn’t be outdone for at least another calendar year, Adidas has already gone and made them look downright sensible thanks to its latest design: A pair of extremely long, extremely dopey-looking clown shoes.

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Created in collaboration with rapper Tommy Cash, the we-guess-you-can-still-kind-of-call-them Superstars are described by Hypebeast as Adidas’ “longest model yet.” This is easy to believe when you see pictures that more closely resemble a pair of lace-covered baguettes than anything you should actually put on your feet.

A demonstration of how these long Adidas should be worn is available through Cash’s Instagram. A trio of images show him squatting like a melancholy jester in the design he’s wrought, feet splayed frog-like in order not to, we assume, stand up and immediately fall over—and then not be able to get up again because he’s wearing shoes about the same length as a kid’s skis.

“When I said to Adidas that I want to make the longest shoe in the world as our collab they were like WTF Tommy,” Cash writes in the post. Refusing to reflect on why the shoe company would wisely respond “WTF Tommy” after hearing his pitch, Cash proudly states: “But 5 months later here we are.”

If you’d like to buy a pair for yourself, perhaps because your old polka dot shoes that squeak with every step have started to wear out, the Adidas/Cash collaboration design are available in limited numbers through a raffle that ends tomorrow.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.