Adam Carolla has joined the ranks of the numerous comedians—mostly male, mostly white—defending America’s college campuses from the hated “snowflakes” that flurry all over them these days, ruining higher education with their constant demands for their personhood to be acknowledged or treated with respect. In order to combat this empathetic scourge, Carolla has announced a new film project, a documentary titled No Safe Spaces, that he’s creating with radio host Dennis Prager. And because there’s no more noble use of the beloved right to free speech than begging other people for money, he needs your help to make it.
Carolla has just launched a $500,000 Indiegogo campaign for the film, which will follow him and Prager as they travel America’s college campuses (including a stop at UC Berkeley with Ann Coulter), spreading the gospel of “Suck it up, you pussy.” Carolla announced the film with a launch video partially set at the fictitious “Utopia U,” suggesting that much of the film’s funding will be spent paying back farmers for all the strawmen they just burnt. The other half features Carolla talking to the camera (awkwardly referencing Kent State and asking trenchant questions like, “Didn’t anyone see Animal House?!”) and standing in front of a sign for The Man Show, which we point out only because none of the hated millennials he’s railing against are likely to recognize it.
Of course, you can’t have a crowdfunding campaign without reward tiers, and Carolla has some doozies. Our favorite is the $10 “Official Safe Spaces Coloring book,” which is not only blatantly transphobic, but also “the must have for every ‘triggered’ and aggrieved college student. Provides hours of adolescent fun. Crayons not included, especially the white ones.” You could also pay $2,000 to party with Carolla and his “Lackeys” in person, in case you’ve ever wanted to spend a lot of money to recreate the experience of getting told what’s wrong with America by the Affiliated Union Of Drunk, Angry Uncles at your last Thanksgiving.