Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Actually, there will be a Hungry Hungry Hippos movie, smartass

Illustration for article titled Actually, there emwill/em be a emHungry Hungry Hippos/em movie, smartass

There are some who would say that the critical and commercial indifference and/or outright mocking that greeted Battleship means that it's time for Hasbro to put its movie toys away and go to bed, and also to stop giving us that face. And yet, Hasbro had a lot of Transformers sugar recently, which is why—even as the studios it's partnered with have begged off and said they don't want to play anymore—it continues to bounce around, pursuing projects like a big-screen version of Monopoly across four years of development, even as this continues to prompt sarcastic responses like, "What's next—Hungry Hungry Hippos?"


Indeed, that is what's next, smart guy: In addition to taking yet another stab at Monopoly, Hasbro has now partnered with End Of Watch producers Emmett/Furla to mount a movie version of those marble-starved hippopotamuses, as well as one based on the British version of G.I. Joe, Action Man (which will presumably be just like the G.I. Joe movies but with fancier costumes). The report does not indicate yet how it plans to ask some screenwriter who once wanted to create for a living to graft narrative onto the primitive practice of smashing a plastic hippo's ass so it can gobble marbles, because this is obviously unimportant. Also, because obviously they will be alien hippos, or maybe hippos eating aliens or something.  

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