Flush with inspiration from yesterday’s third-quarter earnings report, Hasbro has a great idea for the next Transformers film: two Transformers films, shot back-to-back, thereby saving money on special effects and contract negotiations by buying in bulk (the Costco approach to filmmaking), and giving the company time to plan out its promotional tie-ins and spin-off action figures well in advance. While these talks are still preliminary, director Michael Bay is said to be interested in returning so long as he has time to work on his upcoming passion project, Pain And Gain, and all the losers on the Internet keep their damn mouths shut.
Meanwhile, screenwriter Ehren Kruger reportedly already has ideas for future installments—such as one giant team of robots repeatedly punching another giant team of robots, very narrowly avoiding crushing a lingerie model. Of course, as we were reminded yesterday, the franchise will somehow have to carry on without Shia LaBeouf scurrying about, occasionally pausing to gaze in disbelief at the sky, but producers are already considering replacing him with a new lead, Jason Statham, who would presumably be introduced as an all-new character. However, let it be known that we would be at least 50 percent more excited for the film if he just stepped into LaBeouf’s role with no explanation.