Unsatisfied with already upending the worlds of music, film, and print distribution, Amazon is now threatening to take away one of the very cornerstones of the entertainment industry: people lying about their age. An “up-and-coming” actress listed only as “Jane Doe” is on the crest of this coming sea change, suing Amazon, owner of show-business database and celebrity slam book IMDb.com, for using data drawn from her IMDb Pro account to post her actual birth date on her profile, thereby revealing that she is “many years older than she looks,” and should therefore probably be doused with acid and set out on the outskirts of Hollywood as a warning to other women.
Of course, that would be almost like getting work—and as her lawyers argue, that’s “nearly impossible” for a newcomer perceived to be near the age of 40. Supporting her cause is that this is a longstanding argument between IMDb and the industry’s acting and even writing guilds, who have both argued that revealing actual ages is potentially detrimental in an industry where “youth is king,” and the old are flayed and devoured for their restorative amino acids in nightly rituals behind the Hollywood Roosevelt. Unfortunately, IMDb has yet to respond to the woman’s lawsuit, because she’s old, so who wants to listen to her?