In an unforgivable slight to Phantom Of The Paradise, ABC is launching a contemporary Phantom Of The Opera update “set in the sexy and cutthroat world of the modern-day music business” as if that wasn’t something that already exists. And in an unforgivable slight to fans of Andrew Lloyd Webber, the drama series isn’t going to be a musical. (However, Deadline says it “will feature musical elements in the vein of ABC’s country music industry drama Nashville.”) Finally, in an unforgivable slight to anyone who doesn’t like their sexy contemporary updates with a borderline-offensive Latin flair, the series will be executive produced by Desperate Housewives and Devious Maids creator Marc Cherry. So, a hyper-sexualized “contemporary” take on the story of a hideously deformed outcast who kidnaps an opera singer that isn’t a musical, but has the occasional musical number, and probably a sassy Latina maid. Cool.