America’s already overwhelmed fictional serial killer system has taken another hit today with the announcement that ABC is developing a U.S. version of British serial killer series Wire In The Blood. “Jesus Christ,” representatives of the fake serial killer industry were heard to say, “Criminal Minds, Hannibal, two CSI’s… How many cunning criminal masterminds and inventively lethal gimmicks do they think we can come up with?” They then wandered off, mumbling to themselves about maybe using “Twitter or Facebook or some goddamned social media thing” as a new method of sending taunting notes and clues to the police.

The original Wire In The Blood, based off of Val McDermid’s popular series of suspense novels, ran from 2002 to 2008 in the U.K. and starred Robson Green as Dr. Tony Hill, an eccentric criminal profiler who uses his empathetic abilities to solve crimes and sometimes gets too close to the cases he investigates. Representatives from the Union Of Eccentric Criminal Profilers Who Get Too Close To Their Cases were too busy fielding calls about their other clients to comment on ABC’s plans, and directed all future inquiries to the Federal Bureau of Police Procedural Clichés.

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