Now in Season 21, ABC’s Dancing With The Stars continues to be a wedding reception for former theater-camp nerds masquerading as network television. However, much like the racist uncle who sits in the back of that reception, ABC is profoundly uncomfortable with the idea that this is now a country where two dudes can totally hold hands in public. Business Insider reports that the channel has banned two men from dancing together in an upcoming episode of the show. Ugh, stop flaunting your love in ABC’s face, hand-holders!
Openly gay singer Who Is Fancy is set to perform his new single “Boy Like You” with Meghan Trainor and Ariana Grande on the November 23 installment of the reality competition. Given the song is about two men falling in love, and this is a dancing show, the artist’s choreographer naturally assumed they would arrange a romantic dance between two guys. But ABC, which we’re now realizing probably stands for “Always Ban Common (sense, not the rapper),“ vetoed the idea, according to a source mentioned by TMZ. “Apologies all but this is a definitive no from the network,” was apparently the email sent to the choreographer, who probably high-fived himself when he realized the press this would generate.
Supposedly, the network is cool with two guys dancing, as long as it’s some sort of aggressive, bro-style athleticism, so no one gets the wrong idea and starts thinking they might be into each other, because ew. The network has not responded to this news as of yet, but a press release is presumably forthcoming. “ABC does not endorse the deviant homosexual lifestyle,” it will probably read, before going on to tout the upcoming episode of Modern Family.