Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled A woman returned sunglasses because she thought they made her look like Butterball from iHellraiser/i
Screenshot: YouTube

Cenobites. Demons to some, angels to others. Sunglasses models to...uh, a select few, it seems, as writer and podcaster Mallory O’Meara discovered possibly one of the greatest product reviews of all time:

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“These glasses are super cute and comfortable!” the write-up begins before taking a real hard left turn. “Unfortunately my face is just a little to [sic] round and I look a little to much like butterball from hellraiser for my taste. They would look super cute on someone with a different face shape!!”

For those unenlightened folk among you, Butterball is the fan name given to a particularly slimy, round-faced Cenobite from Clive Barker’s seminal horror novella, The Hellbound Heart, along with its film adaptations in the Hellraiser series. He’s also got an oddly detailed backstory upon a slightly deeper dive into the all things Hellraiser fan wiki, so there’s always that rabbit hole to go down if you’re looking to run down the clock on your Thursday afternoon.

Regardless, we here at The A.V. Club would like to take this time to assure said anonymous hero reviewer that she looks nothing like Butterball, and that she should wear whatever damn sunglasses she pleases, preferably while writing many more online product reviews.

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As the pinheaded (someone should coin a name for him) leader of the unholy Order once promised, “We have such sights to show you.” Just not through this pair of specs, apparently.

Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.

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