Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

A treasury of things horror movies have scared us off forever

Illustration for article titled A treasury of things horror movies have scared us off forever
Screenshot: YouTube (Other)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the internet:

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We are on record in favor of the horror genre as a positive and affirming force in one’s life. (Also, scares! Fun!) But that doesn’t mean that this overall very good thing can’t have unexpected side effects. Nicole Cliffe brought one such side effect to the fore in the above tweet, and it would seem it’s quite common. It’s proof that one need not be easily scared to be forever shaped by one simple viewing of Final Destination, for example. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be from a horror movie. This writer will always, always fasten her seatbelt before the car starts moving, lest she inadvertently World According To Garp herself on a stick shift.

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So here you have a children’s treasury of shit horror movies have scared us away from, irrevocably.

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It’s gone. Gone. This next one is completely reasonable:

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As a sidenote, there’s a whole subcategory of places on Airbnb that are renovated grain silos and friends, there are worse places to convince yourself that you’re being haunted. Next up, mirrors:

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And don’t even think about repeating any particular set of words into them three times.

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One of the largest subcategories to emerge concerns knowledge one should not have. Your Ouija boards, your seances, your Magic 8-Balls.

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Absolutely, @ItsTheBrandi. Like grain silos, that’s also totally reasonable, because presumably the good outcome is that you get Big-ed by Zoltar, and that would be totally fucking terrifying.

This next one also applies to any doll that blinks:

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We heartily encourage you to check the thread, which is packed with people with hangups about locked cars (Cujo), baths (What Lies Beneath), and many, many other thins, up to and including seasonal decor.

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We have but two notes to add. First, our congratulations to the Final Destination franchise, which in our admittedly unscientific survey of these responses seems to be the biggest source of our collective neuroses:

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And last, this: Someday, if/when we’re all able to travel again, you should by no means allow Midsommar to stop you from exploring the world, except in precisely this circumstance.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves TV, bourbon, and overanalyzing social interactions. Please buy her book, How TV Can Make You Smarter (Chronicle, 2020). It’s short!

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