21844 Pacific Coast Highway (Screenshot: Google Maps)

Oscar-winning actor, humanitarian, and national treasure Leonardo DiCaprio recently put his beachfront house in Malibu, a residence he’s owned since 1998, on the market for a whopping $10.95 million. He first moved in the year after Titanic, which might give the place some extra sentimental significance for fans with deep pockets. Not that the house needs it. This stunning property practically sells itself. Located on exclusive Carbon Beach, the three-bedroom, two-bathroom bungalow boasts “killer” views and “gorgeous” interiors. Writer Julia Wick is covering the high-profile real estate sale for The LAist, complete with a passel of drool-inducing photographs of the famous mid-century house, but she has chosen to take a big-picture view of these events. What, after all, is the true significance of DiCaprio’s magnificent beach house in the grand scheme of things? Everyone dies, after all, even the owner of this pristine beach house. Wick ponders these issues and much more in an article cheekily entitled “Leo DiCaprio’s $11 Million Malibu Beach House And The Soul-Crushing Agony Of Being Human.”

The article largely centers around a conversation between Wick and real estate agent Allison Dunmore of Redfin, Dunmore clearly wasn’t expecting to be asked about Sartre and Camus in this interview, but she proves a remarkably good sport and does what she can to answer Wick’s ultimately unanswerable queries about life, death, and happiness. A typical excerpt follows.

LAist: Hi! Love the house!! Just a few questions. Albert Camus once said “At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman.” This house is obviously super beautiful—do you think there is anything inhuman about that beauty?

Redfin: Um, wow, that wasn’t the question I was expecting. I think with this house in particular, with where it sits especially, it’s an absolutely breathtaking home. I do not think there is anything inhuman about this house. I think it’s a representation of the oceanfront property that it sits on.

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The one time Dunmore balks is when Wick asks her whether God’s presence could be felt in DiCaprio’s beach house. “I’m not going to answer that,” she demurs. Otherwise, says the real estate expert, this place could be “a gateway” from the nausea of existence once decried by Sartre.