Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Photo: Dan Kitwood (Getty Images)

There was a specific kind of kid in school—most often a boy named Cody or Darryl—who had a pet reptile. Usually, these pets were snakes and the child in question took great pleasure in showing off its fetid enclosure, warming lights humming in the corner of a bedroom that may or may not have had a water bed, and describing the gross ways in which it’s fed. We’re sure many of this kids grew up into completely average adults who, while still fascinated with reptiles, decided to adopt future animals from the more socially acceptable range of cats, dogs, or birds instead.

And yet we also know, as is made clear through Twitter account @dragon_tokage52, that some of these children grew up to be the kind of people who decided to enjoy the freedom of adulthood by doing stuff like living alongside free-roaming monitor lizards.

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The account—which tweets exclusively in Japanese—is an ongoing video diary of the life lived by an anonymous guy and his best friend, a big, cold-blooded lizard named Tokage. Though each clip is fascinating in its own right, none are as captivating as the one below, which sees Tokage heaving his scaly body through a room, scrabbling at the edge of a closet with his big lizard claws, before his owner, literally out of nowhere, holds up a Chucky action figure and pretends the scary doll is following his scary pet into the bathroom.

There’s a perfect confluence of interests shown off here (the people who have lizard pets invariably also love ‘80s horror) that’s apparent in both the above clip and part one of the account’s inexplicable Chucky mini-series. The same tone continues in every regular Tokage update. Here he is, for example, gobbling chunks of meat while a Dragonball Z doll stands sentry. And here is just sort of standing around while an Alien figure hugs him:

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The love between man and lizard is apparent in every video. In some, we see Tokage enjoying a little dip in a human’s bathtub.

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In others, we’re shown the lizard’s back being stroked, his creepy body dried off with towels, presumably after a soak in the tub they share, and Tokage enjoying the comfort of being put in a little sweater.

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We’re not here to judge. If this arrangement works for them both—and it certainly seems to if this tweet of Tokage being pet while dressed as a cardboard robot is anything to go by—then god bless ‘em.

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Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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