Ideally, a remake should be either of a film that had potential that wasn’t realized the first time around, or of a forgotten gem that deserves to be rediscovered. The producers of the upcoming Memento remake must have read that backwards, then, because instead of remaking a forgotten gem a they’re remaking a gem about forgetting.
How else can you explain the logic behind the decision, made by production company AMBI Pictures (and the Italian aristocrat who recently sunk $200 million into it)? “Memento has been consistently ranked as one of the best films of its decade. People who’ve seen Memento 10 times still feel they need to see it one more time,” says AMBI “anchor investor” Andrea Iervolino. “This is a quality that we feel really supports and justifies a remake.” Which is exactly why a new Casablanca comes out every 10 years.
Anyway, now that Hollywood has apparently gotten its “Don’t remake Memento” tattoo covered up, we’re forced to contend with the possibility of what might happen in an updated version of the film. Making it darker and grittier would be practically impossible—although never underestimate the power of movie producers to make things darker and grittier—so the likely outcome is some sort of spin involving modern technology, leading to such instant-classic lines as “I can’t remember to forget to update my apps” and “Siri, who murdered my wife?” A Pinterest page just isn’t as cinematic as a map made of Polaroids and string, but we’re sure they’ll make do.
In other news we’d all rather forget: These people also hold both the sequel and remake rights to Donnie Darko.