“You..should’ve...gone for a full video leak, not this text-based crap.”
Screenshot: YouTube

It was little more than a week ago that the Russo brothers dropped their most recent tease for Avengers 4 in the form of a post announcing the production had wrapped, once more launching a new round of theories about the movie. Is a single hero going to die, or more than one? Will time travel be involved? Is anyone going to point out that Quake should really have joined the fight once she got done saving the planet from Graviton? Regardless, there’s a bevy of suspicions about what’s going to happen next—and if a new Reddit post is right, the yet-to-be-released trailer isn’t going to tell us much.

At least, that’s the most that can be gleaned from a recently posted description of what is purported to be the first official teaser trailer for the still-untitled sequel. Redditor vfxgurudontmind has posted a lengthy shot-by-shot script detailing the whole thing, or at least what the anonymous poster claims is the whole thing. It reads a bit like well-made fanfic, though there’s at least some credence to their claims of authenticity, what with pointing out they had accurately leaked the appearance of Spider-Man in the Civil War trailer a couple years ago. Whether you find it plausible probably depends on how likely you think it is some random FX person risked life and limb (or at least a hardcore lawsuit) to provide a play-by-play of an upcoming trailer on Reddit.

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If you had asked us to invent a reasonable-sounding version of an Avengers 4 trailer, however, it probably would’ve gone something like this one. There’s Thanos, talking about how he has unfinished business. We’ve got Tony Stark saying, “Fury was right...he was right since day one.” Ant-Man escaping the Quantum Realm. Captain America, Thor, Bruce Banner, and Rocket talking about how they’re going to fix things. War Machine traveling via the Bifrost. It’s a lot of oblique snippets of dialogue and portentous hints of a battle to come. And it all ends with Brie Larson’s Captain Marvel throwing a punch right at the screen before it fades to a black placeholder for what will presumably reveal the official title of the film.

It’s all quite downbeat, which is fitting, given the epic downer on which Infinity War ended. But it really doesn’t offer much in the way of reveals. To wit: Where is Hawkeye? Apparently we’re still not going to know come November 21, 28, or December 12, which are the three dates our mysterious Redditor lists as being the possible debut times for the trailer on Good Morning America. You can read the entire description if you’d like—we’d give you a spoiler warning, but honestly it doesn’t spoil much, save for the fact that somebody got their hands on that intergalactic pager Nick Fury was holding in the stinger scene. Really, the most surprising thing Marvel could do at this point is have it end with someone saying, “Your most feared villain is back!” and cutting to a shot of Malekith, still alive, only to have the entire remaining Avengers team slap their foreheads and groan in boredom.