It’s like hiring a business manager… and then instead of managing your money, he steals it and pretends to invest in an illegal marijuana-growing venture. That lost verse from Alanis Morrissette’s 1995 smash hit “Ironic” doesn’t actually exist—the meter is way off, and the actions described in it hadn’t happened yet—but it is a conveniently dumb way to begin this paragraph. (It’s also a little bit like rain on your wedding day, if you think about it.) The Los Angeles Times is reporting that Morrissette’s former business manager, Jonathan Todd Schwartz, has admitted as part of a federal plea agreement to stealing $4.8 million from Morissette, as well as an additional $1.7 million from other unnamed celebrities. Morissette previously sued Schwartz for $15 million for the same offense, but did not write a song about it, sadly. In a move that is in no way ironic, he claimed to have invested some of that money, in cash, in illegal marijuana-growing businesses. How does nearly five million bucks of your money go missing without you noticing, you ask? Don’t forget that Jagged Little Pill, the album from which “Ironic” and “You Oughta Know” came, has sold more that 33 million copies, making it roughly the thirteenth best-selling album of all time. Below, a touching tribute to Alanis that will stick in your head all day.

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