After a mere two episodes, A&E has canceled David Hasselhoff’s new reality show The Hasselhoffs, in which the former TV star turned self-aware “former TV star” attempted to regurgitate his last morsels of fame into the stretched and yearning mouths of his undeserving daughters—a white serpent, one at each little pitcher of milk, now empty. He has folded them back into his body as hairy petals. This follows a Sunday airing that played to only around 500,000 people; to put things in perspective, 1.5 million more people tuned into Storage Wars, clearly preferring a tangible glimpse into the mold-gathering detritus of a life past its prime to a metaphorical one. There’s no word yet what A&E plans to do with the last eight completed episodes of The Hasselhoffs, or David Hasselhoff’s still-unused vast stores of “Hoff” puns. (Perhaps someone could bid on them on Storage Wars?)

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