Guardians Of The Galaxy

The seasons come and go, the sun rises and sets, and Hollywood egos need reinforcing and validation. These things are part of nature’s great cycle of life, and thus, we inevitably come to the delicate part of the ecosystem in which stars on Hollywood’s Walk Of Fame are awarded. In a press release from the Hollywood Chamber Of Commerce, the recipients of the 2017 stars have been announced, and it’s a veritable who’s who of Hollywood talent, plus Brett Ratner. Also, some live theater awardees were announced, but they’re embarrassing, so let’s save them for last.

While horror fans can take some comfort in learning that Night Of The Living Dead director George Romero is finally being inducted into this august body, let’s again keep in mind director and butt aficionado Ratner is getting a star the same year, perhaps as a way of letting Romero know this is no big deal. Other film stars receiving sidewalk-embedded stars include Chris Pratt, Dwayne Johnson, Jason Bateman, Goldie Hawn, Amy Adams, Ryan Reynolds, Mark Ruffalo, and Rita Wilson. Not coincidentally, these people would all be interesting additions to the next Fast And Furious movie, perhaps as people in the hospital who are freed from their arm casts by having Johnson again flex his muscles.

Advertisement

In the category of TV, those receiving stars this year include a particularly odd assortment of folks, such as: Tyra Banks, Andre Braugher, Ken Corday, Lee Daniels, Hugh Laurie, Eva Longoria, Wolfgang Puck, Keri Russell, Haim Saban, George Segal, Sarah Silverman and Jeffrey Tambor. We love most of these people, so we’ll just gloss over the few we don’t love. However, it should be noted that Haim Saban is the mysterious tycoon who owns the holding company that owns Univision, which owns this website, so let us be the forty-seventh to congratulate him, and maybe casually imply that now would be as good a time as any to install a rooftop pool in the office building.

Under the category of music and recording, those being inducted include the mighty duo of Hall & Oates, Ice Cube, John Legend, *NSYNC, New Edition, Clarence Avant, and posthumous stars for composer Jerry Goldsmith and singer Selena Quintanilla. New York’s Z100 radio host Elvis Duran is also getting a star, perhaps as a reminder that radio is still a pretty big thing in 2016, despite the existence of Oculus Rift.

But as mentioned above, in the final category known as “Live Theatre/Live Performance,” the three awardees are slightly more unexpected. There’s sentient Axe Body Spray canister Criss Angel; famed puppeteer and fond endorsee of the “it’s not me being racist, it’s this darn puppet!” defense, Jeff Dunham; and then there’s… renowned Venezuelan conductor and violinist Gustavo Dudamel? Poor Gustavo. There’s nothing quite like standing next to a guy who unironically considers himself a “mindfreak” specialist to take the glow off your Walk Of Fame star.

Advertisement