Last night, the 2020 election cycle reached a tipping point. It was not the overnight counts in Pennsylvania, nor Georgia, nor Maricopa county. It was not the almost-certainly-soon-to-be-former President’s dangerous, mendacious speech. It was not Jake Tapper blinking in bewilderment at a guy who apparently didn’t know that there’s no law requiring governmental officials to swear on a Christian bible. No, it was when lack of sleep, anxiety, loneliness, quarantine brain, horniness, and the siren song of the zeitgeist fused to burst the dam of Steve Kornacki thirst that has been gradually building for days—nay, weeks—nay, years.
In the wee hours of November 6, Steve Kornacki Thirst Twitter dawned. To call it “Thirst Twitter” is as inaccurate as it is insufficient, as it denies the very real contributions made by the TikTok and Instagram communities; this writer has even seen more than one call for Kornacki and fellow MSNBC jouralisnack Chris Hayes to start OnlyFans accounts after they sleep for 27 hours. And we would never wish to understate the cultural import of such gems as these:
We will not pretend otherwise: This is a Children’s Treasury Of Steve Kornacki Appreciation, and encompasses both the thirsty and reasonably hydrated editions.
Map Daddy reportedly gained 70,000 Twitter followers overnight. And it’s not always for thirst purposes (and even the thirsty are surely most attracted to his competence, intelligence, and frankly concerning stamina).
His colleagues share the internet’s rapturous adoration. Go check any NBC News personality’s Twitter feed right now. They’re all posting things like this:
Others rightly compare him to other greats in their respective fields, making him the LeBron James of magic walls and fast math:
But even statements from colleagues centered mainly on the man’s endurance and commitment can be shifted to mean something much randier.
Such might be the interpretation of TV’s Bryan Fuller, were he to encounter Ali Velshi’s sexy, sexy tweet.
Sleep-deprived people got jokes.
Lots of jokes.
Not all of them horny.
That particular joke is maybe not so much a joke as a slight exaggeration, and the same is true of the next. (Yes, the next is a tweet from the writer of this article; she, like Kornacki, has slept very little and simply cannot resist the chance to dunk on The Newsroom.)
Here’s another joke that’s more than a joke, because this, should Kornacki wish it, should absolutely happen.
Kornacki is gay—if you’ve never read his coming-out story at Salon, it’s lovely and well worth your time—but as another tweet notes in the replies to the quoted tweet, it’s wayyyyy past time for a gay Bachelor.
We’ve even reached the “I simped Kornacki before it was cool” phase of the proceedings.
He got the Leslie Jones narration treatment, a true mark of respect:
He has become A Boy Band Made Up Of Four Joshes for us all.
For those who slept last night and awoke to find Kornacki still stepping on our necks like he’s put the Big Board on the floor and needs to update Maricopa County, we salute you and admire your coherence.
For those who, like us, could really use some shut-eye, fear not: When you wake, Kornacki will be either still on camera, where he has vowed to stay until the race is called, or asleep, dreaming of his phone’s calculator. Either is a happy ending.
Is this absurd? Yes, yes it is. But it could be worse.
Update, November 6, 1:49 p.m.: This story has been updated to reflect the fact that we one-hundred percent ship this:
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