Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Tucker Carlson ruthlessly outs celebrities as generous, cool

Illustration for article titled Tucker Carlson ruthlessly outs celebrities as generous, cool
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Never let it be said that Fox News’ Tucker Carlson is not a tireless watchdog for the American people, and specifically on the topic of famous people kicking ass. Actively seeking out and exposing anyone who dares violate his personal principles by being excellent, awesome, or chill, Carlson simply will not rest until he’s exposed anyone guilty of committing a heinous breach of hygiene by putting their money in the same spot that their mouth is. Be warned, celebrities of the U.S.: If you dare to cross Carlson’s lines of public decency—by being, say, publicly decent—Carlson will be more than happy to put you on blast (possibly with a badass “flaming Starbucks” background in the process).

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Take the above piece, which Carlson ran on his Thursday broadcast, ruthlessly exposing celebrities like Janelle Monae, Steve Carrell, Seth Rogen, and more for donating to bail funds and other causes in support of the Black Lives Matter protests. Incensed at folks like “Chrissy Teigan” [sic], Don Cheadle, Patton Oswalt, Colin Kaepernick, Ben Schwartz, and others for lending support to people trying to stop police officers from shooting Black people quite so often (or “inciting riots,” in Carlson speak), he shamed them in the cruelest way possible: By grabbing their headshots off IMDB, then running them next to a distractingly poorly-synced text crawl of their names. He also called out Lil Nas X for encouraging his followers to protest, a moment that presumably required hours of prep to explain to Tucker Carlson who and what Lil Nas X is.

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Anyway, we know we’ll certainly sleep easier in our beds tonight knowing that Carlson is out there, tirelessly informing the world of all those who don’t fall in line with his personal ethos by not sucking just unimaginable quantities of shit.

Looking for ways to advocate for Black lives? Check out this list of resources by our sister site Lifehacker for ways to get involved.

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