Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Can everyone please stop making unsettlingly realistic cakes, please?
Screenshot: The Bakeking (YouTube)

We are fast approaching a critical point in food gimmick distraction videos, and that it is important—no, that it is our duty—to finally take a stand and say, “Enough is enough.” The madness must end before it’s too late. Don’t believe us? Watch the video below, which will have you shouting “No...no...NO NO NO NO,” at your computer screen in approximately six seconds.

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Alright, everyone. You all have had your fun and games, but you’re playing with matches now. We’re officially entering a cosmic horror-level of baking monstrosities. These are cakes no man is meant to make, let alone show off or dissect to prove to us that, yes, that plate of stir-fry is actually a confectionary treat. On top of which, there’s something about a guy with hands covered in Sailor Jerry tattoos calmly slicing out wedges of red velvet steak-cake that just feels obscene. We can’t put our finger on why, exactly, so don’t bother asking. But you all know as well as we do that these videos—that these...cakes—should not exist.

Please, for the love of what little remains holy in this world, stop making uncanny cake videos.

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Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.

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