From Skittlebrau to the Ribwich, Springfield is a community known for its bold gastronomic choices and flagrant flouting of FDA guidelines. Over the course of 27 seasons, the characters on Fox’s animated sitcom The Simpsons have gleefully, greedily consumed all sorts of strange and tragically unhealthy foods and beverages, especially “heavily salted snack treats.” While that may result in diabetes, heart disease, and tooth loss for them, it has also provided plenty of material for Eats Like A Duck: A Simpsons Recipe Blog. Taking its name from a line in the notorious “Homer’s Enemy” episode, this blog takes the strange, seemingly impossible treats from the show and translates them into real-world recipes that fans can actually replicate at home, should they desire to eat like Homer Simpson someday. Hey, he seems happy most of the time and always bounces back by the beginning of the next episode. What’s to lose?

To cite a recent example of this good, noble work, Eats Like A Duck offered up its version of one of Homer’s favorite breakfast foods, Big John’s Breakfast Log. Way back in season nine, this seemingly innocent food item helped set into motion a chain of events that ultimately resulted in the entire town of Springfield being moved. For the brave souls willing to risk the future of their own communities, the blog recommends creating this treat with Johnsonville sausage rounds, formed into one artery-busting behemoth. Have a craving for something sweet and pious? Try Reverend Lovejoy’s Stigmuffins. There’s a hole in each one to serve as a reminder of Christ’s suffering. And there are some patriotic holidays coming up, which is as good a time as any for serving up A Fresh Batch Of America Balls. (Warning: The only ingredients are dog food and miniature American flags on toothpicks.)